Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Awww hell


Im headed to the library tomorrow to figure out some numbers to give my Dad...yes I just got news that im going to see him for the first time in 10 years..im scared as hell. Is he going to recognize me? Will he be happy with who I turned out to be? I dont know...but I will on Saturday. And the most important thing right now...will he help me with collage. God knows he has enough money that hell just have to give up a weekend retreat and a new suit and he could completely pay for it. I hope he will cause my mom has a hard enough time just with the bills. It sounds selfish to think that money is so important here. But it is. This determines my future. Im scared of getting to emotional...or maybe im not scared of that...maybe im scared that he wont really want me. But I cant worry about that now. He fooled around on my mom, hes a wanker..and if he ever reads this. This is what I have to say. Ive forgiven you a long time ago for everything you put us through, for not being there when we needed you. Ive never been able to call anyone else Dad. The truth is: you are my dad. Now its up to you to decide if you want to step up to the plate and act like one.
I dont know why ive made public my most private thoughts. But I made a promise to myself. This is going to be 100% real and true. And maybe..just maybe one more parent will understand their daughter. I know I wish mine would...and I know someday they will.

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